As Straight As A Curly Fry
by Rock n' Fuckin' Roll
Summary: Two-Bit's been thinking, and when Two-Bit starts thinking, you kind of gotta take this shit seriously. Unless it's something totally stupid, like the conclusion Two-Bit came up with, then you don't have to care, or listen, and you can just threaten him with his fries. CRACK. *Slight pairing suggestion.*


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

**AN: Cracktastical cracktasticness! Yup, just your plain old crack in one story! ^_^ Enjoy with all your heart. This was made because I was bored.**

_'As straight as a rainbow and twice as colorful!' -Unknown_

Two-Bit blinked, pondering for a moment as he stared at the wall, casually taking up all the space on the couch with his body. He had McDonald's fries sitting on his lap, and twirled one of the fries between his fingers as he thought.

"Hey Two-Bit, what's up?" Pony came from around the corner, smiling as he sat on the arm of the couch, blocking the wall Two-Bit was staring at.

"Hm? Oh, hey Pone." The red head greeted sullenly, popping another fry in his mouth, continue to stare aimlessly.

This got Pony's attention. Two-Bit would always have something funny to say, or something like that. He wasn't... boring and into himself. He was loud and outgoing, and this... _thing _on the couch sure ain't Two-Bit.

"Uh, Soda?" Pony called out to the open. The whole Curtis family was home, it was around 6:00 pm, and the sun was still pretty bright outside. Steve and Two-Bit were here too, and Dallas and Johnny were out doing God knows what, but it didn't really matter too much at the moment.

"What up?" Soda called, coming out from another corner. Two-Bit blinked, those guys had a weird thing with corners.

"Two-Bit's not acting right. He's all quiet and... calm." Pony said 'calm' as if it was a toe infection or the way you would say 'Steve's socks.' Soda cocked an eyebrow.

"Two-Bit?" Soda went around the couch and waved his hand in front of the boy's face. No reaction, so Soda looked down at the fries in his lap. He smirked, and took a hand close to it.

A strong hand stopped Soda's wrist. "Don't. Touch. The Fries." Two-Bit hissed, and held the fries close to him, as if a child, and gave the blond an accusing look.

"See? He's fine." Soda waved his hand, smiling as he went around and stared skipping back to wherever he was before. Two-Bit sighed.

"_That _just proved my point a little more." Pony cocked his head in confusion at the red head.

"What proved your point?"

"That you guys are about as straight as a curly fry." Two-Bit popped a fry in his mouth and chewed slowly, watching in amusement as Pony tried to process what he said.

"What?" The boy finally said, befuddlement etched on his face. Two-Bit shrugged.

"You guys are about as straight as a curly fry. All of you." Two-Bit repeated, and Pony blinked. Then the realization slowly dawned on him.

"I'm not a queer!" Pony jumped away from Two-Bit, shocked that he could even think that. "How?"

"Because you, first of all, are very girly. It's weird. You got slim hips, a flat stomach, thin arms, and you got a girly kind of face. It's all soft and shit, while a man's face is strong and smooth." Two-Bit then stroked his chin, as if trying to prove his point. Pony just glared, his arms crossed.

"I'm not girly. And how the hell does that explain anything? I'm not a queer!" Pony defended himself.

"Pssh. I know how your eyes twinkle every time Dally comes near, you get a little more jittery than before, and you get _really_ lost, dozy and shit. Face it. You're a fag. And I can deal with it..." Two-Bit took another fry and ate it.

"I'm not gay. So shut it. And plus, you said 'all of you.' Who else?" Pony demanded, his gaze steady on Two-Bit.

"Soda and Steve, duh! What do you think they're doing in wherever they are? Yeah, fucking their brains out." Pony made made a little noise at the last sentence. It was a little extreme for his mind to handle.

"Ha. 'Fucking their brains out.' You so wish Dal was doing you so hard right now." The teen chucked slowly, eating another fry. Pony glared even harder.

"Yeah yeah. Are Dally and Johnnycakes queers too? What about Darry?" Pony asked, not letting Two-Bit give up the subject.

"Oh yeah, mhhm, one hundred percent gay." Two-Bit replied, now bored.

"Wow. I'm surprised you know what 'one hundred' percent is." Pony whispered quietly, but Two-Bit picked it up.

"What did you just say?" Two-Bit put his fries down and got up, closing in on the boy. His posture showed anger, but his eyes held amusement. "Why don't you say that to my face?"

"Can't. Too ugly." Pony then laughed as he ducked away, Two-Bit shaking his head, laughing as well. The red head chased Pony around the living room and kitchen, laughing. The noise they made was apparently too loud, because they heard Soda shout.

"Hey! Can you two keep it in your pants over there?" They stopped, suddenly, watching each other, and then burst into a quiet laughter as they headed back to their spot on the couch. Two-Bit grabbed his fries again.

"I'm telling. You are all gay. 'Specially Dallas. He keeps it to himself though." Two-Bit winked at the younger, watching him flare up cutely. As they continued their 'who was gay and who was not' discussion (Two-Bit constantly was telling Pony that he was one hundred percent straight), the door burst open and Dally and Johnny walked in. Dally huffed, then walked over to the side of the couch which rest Two-Bit's head.

"Hey." He chuckled, his face holding an evil yet amusing grin to it. Pony smiled.

"Hey Dal. How's it going?" Pony asked, and Two-Bit made a little coughing noise. Pony rolled his eyes and Dallas looked confused.

"What?" Dally asked, his snow white eyebrow quirked up.

"Two-Bit was telling me how you're a queer. He's positive you are, and he thinks Soda, Steve, Darry, Johnny and me are fags too." Two-Bit was giving Pony a warning glare, then looked up at Dallas with a cute, 'please-forgive-me-the-kids-insane' look. Dallas looked pretty pissed.

"You fucking calling me queer?" He grabbed Two-Bit's collar. "What about you? I've heard you moan Darry's name, don't give me that shit." He growled, and Two-Bit managed to get the blond to release his grip.

"I'm just proving facts." He hopped off the couch and away from Dally, smiling innocently, but in a evil -innocent way.

"I ain't no queer Mathews. So maybe, if you shut the fuck up, I won't have knock you out into yesterday." Two-Bit gulped, and backed away, holding his fries close to him. Pony then got an idea.

He ran up and grabbed the food out of Two-Bit's unsuspecting hands, and watched as the rusty haired boy fell to the ground trying to grab it. Dallas quickly understood Pony's plan, and ran over to the older male and pinned his body down.

"Two-Bit, you stop calling us queers, and we won't kill your beloved." Pony held the fries out, and held his hand close to it.

"No! Not my baby!" He cried, reaching his hand out for the fries.

"Shut up then you freak." Dallas growled, and Two-Bit retaliated.

"Never!" Dallas smirked.

"Alright, if you wanna play that way. Pony, go ahead." He nodded to the boy, who smiled back, grabbing a fry and taking it close to his mouth.

"No! Stop! Okay, I give! Just let them go! I'm sorry!" The boy pleaded, and Dallas looked to Pony, who shrugged.

"I believe him. You can get off him Dal." Dally wasn't ready to budge, he was having fun, but he got off Two-Bit and kicked him for fun. Pony handed the red head his fries back, who smiled in relief and hugged it close.

"It's okay baby. You're safe. Hey, where's Johnny?" Two-Bit asked, looking around from the floor, not seeing the tan skinned anywhere.

"Dunno." Dallas shrugged and flopped onto the couch, adjusting himself to it. Two-Bit got up and started eating his fries again.

"Hey, what's going on?" Darry called, coming from around the corner, rubbing his eyes. "I was just sleeping, and then I heard a ruckus. What the hell?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Two-Bit was being annoyin'." Pony answered, flopping onto the couch with Dallas, who scooted over to let the younger greaser lay down. They went together in close proximity, and Dallas even wrapped his arm around the auburn's waist. Two-Bit rolled his eyes.

Then, Steve and Soda finally made themselves visible again. They greeted everyone, and when Two-Bit took a close look from the corner he was hiding in, he realized they were _holding hands_.

"I knew it. You guys _are _as straight as a rainbow and twice as colorful!" Two-Bit whispered, hiding away in his corner. He already knew Darry and Johnny were, they were the easiest to figure out.

Johnny just _had _to be gay, or the world kind of wouldn't make sense.

And plus, no twenty year old man can have 'rainbow' as a favorite color and secretly cross-dress while pretending he's a famous American model in his bedroom. (Don't ask Two-Bit how he knows that.)

But, Two-Bit never said he didn't secretly _like _that in a guy.

**AN: Okay, I'm dead. I'm sorry for OOCness and whatnot. But this was meant to be a funny and light kind of thing. No offense to gays anywhere. I'm not being rude or anything, and I didn't mean it to be rude, this is just for laughs. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed! You can flame it as hard as you want. It's cool.  
**


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